I find myself inching away from living. It is, at times, a terrifying experience, but in the spaces between the scary moments, it is liberating.
When I am not bound by anxiety or panic, I love this feeling of obtuse indifference - like I am in the calm before the storm. And somehow, everyday more blandness and blankness pushes the storm farther and farther away.
It is an interesting experience, this: to not think, or feel. The downside is that I am walled up against experiencing the good things too. The upside, well now that is out of this world - like a caged animal on display that is sitting sedately in a corner of it's prison, unmoved by passers by - by their jibes, or by their awe. I carry on with life, unmoved and unfazed by the rashness or judgement of others
