Reflections

It might be a mindset, but come December, or the conventional end of year, I start to reflect on life and how my part in this gigantic play is panning out. Have my acting skills improved? How am I dealing with the unexpected? Am I doing enough to perfect my act? Is acting still fun? (Forgive the cliché analogy of life and play acting!) 

Reflections give me pause: that moment to breathe in the air, soak in the sunshine, and dance in the rain. It is a moment of complete me-ness; that time of the year when I am perfectly honest with myself, and almost always at peace with myself. 

As the years have passed these reflections have become more profound. Age does offer me that pinch of salt to face the growing number of disappointments and frustrations, the increasing number of times a straight road decides to take a twisted bend (not one of those picture perfect bends but quite the opposite) and the heightened knowledge that life is not the bed of roses you once imagined it to be. Reflections with a pinch of salt allow me, on the other end of the pool, to appreciate the small things better, to tap myself on the back and be happy that I got through another year. To look around at the people surrounding me and laugh from my heart at their pleasures and love them with my soul. 

This time round, December has started of with an in-depth journey to self-understanding. I have discovered that I am a creature who yearns for control. Situations or tasks that I don't have complete control over throw me off balance (ricochet me off to planet stress-abundance, would probably be more fitting a statement). I think I have known this for a long time now, but merely seeing it at its core has allowed me to respond to my crazy behaviour when faced with such times. I can now safely count till ten before I land myself softly and quietly on planet stress-abundance. This is a small tiny step, but one that appeases me, nonetheless.

There are other things that I am learning, or re-learning, about myself: I do not like confrontations. I love cheese - in-fact I am a foodie. I abhor standardised solutions on how to live life (they irritate me). And, so many other small delicious self discoveries follow. Reflections of these kind always pave the way for me to journey on a magnificent road, called me. It's far from perfect, but it is a lovely reminder that there is much beauty here on this road...